


(i’m picturing your body with) somebody else

by flustraaa



Series: the one where they're soulmates [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Malec Angst, Sad Alec Lightwood, Soulmate AU, but a hurtful one, but then there’s eventual comfort, first chapter is Alec Lightwood centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 23:35:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19800100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: and oh, alec would never be able to accurately convey just how badly it felt to be littered in love bites that didn’t belong to him in any way shape or form.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it’s one in the morning and ive just had a panic attack so this is not going to be coherent in the least ✌️😗✌️

Alec remembers. He remembers most of the marks his soulmate, whoever he— and _god_ , Alec knows it’s a _he_ , may be. He recalls the first mark he’d woken up with, a day after his thirteenth birthday. 

He thinks only about the love it leaves him with, the warm fluttering that enveloped his entire being. He ran his fingers over the soft indentations in his ears where his certain hooped earrings lie, and how he’d felt the cool indentations of rings that weren’t truly there. 

He remembers turning sixteen and waking up gasping in the middle of the night, running a hand over his side to feel the puffy scar of a gash nearing to deep to heal— but he can also clearly reminisce in the feeling of the crossing patterns of stitches and the way he finally allowed himself to breath when they had finished. 

He thinks back on the tattoo that had appeared on his ankle for two days, fading soon enough. The imprint only lasting long enough for Alec to know what their soulmate had done this time. 

And while all these things mean something, feelings he’ll reminisce in and cherish for the rest of his life, nothing will ever compare to the feeling that engulfed and utterly obliterated him like the sight on the morning of his nineteenth birthday. 

He woke to a heavy indentation on his left ring finger, and tender bruises littering his body. It’s in that moment, however, that he realises he was, in fact, all by himself. _Alone_. 

He pushed himself to a low rise, sleepy-weary limbs heavy and shaking beneath his weight. 

He recalls the walk that felt like _forever_ as he walked to the mirror, glancing in to find himself littered in hickies that didn’t truly _belong to him_ and a ring that signifies that his other half now belonged to _someone else_. 

He relishes in the sinking feeling that clouds over his body, heart racing and limbs flushing and the indescribable pain radiating through him like wild fire. 

But most of all, he remembers the way the cold tile felt beneath a his elbows and knees, hands burrowed in his hair and unable to catch the whisper of shaking breaths that consumed him wholly. 

What he doesn’t remember, is the old children’s fable about the mistakes that are often made with soulmates. He doesn’t remember the story of the man who had two, and he most certainly doesn’t remember the part where the second soulmate, was the one made just for him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update i am now on panic attack number three but that’s a-okay because i updated/finished this ficlet ✌️😗✌️

“Clary why do you feel the incessant need to drag me to your friends apartment?” Alec grumbles as the small red head tugs him along with a firm grip. 

“Because,” She huffs, gesturing in the general vicinity of Alec’s eyes, “If you spend any more time looking at your pre-law work you’re going to go blind.” 

Alec rolls his eyes, shaking his head, “Why are you really dragging me out?” 

“Because you need to get laid. _Desperately_.” 

Alec halts completely, and Clary slams into his chest, before blinking bewilderedly at him. 

“Come on,” She breathes, eyes wide and doe-like, “There has to be someone else out there for you— and even if there isn’t, you should still at least meet your soulmate.” 

“Clary, this is one of those things that I just need you to leave alone,” He whispers, voice cracking with emotion as his siblings come up behind them. “The day I woke up to find my soulmate married, and oh yeah, consummated hurts more than you can imagine. How would you have felt if Jace got married before he met you? If Jace had two soulmates and he chose the other one over you.”

Her face falls, and knows that her heart is heavy for him. “But you have two marks. Alec, that has to mean something, right?” 

“I don’t want to know,” Alec manages out, pressing his hands over his eyes as he fights back the onslaught of tears, “I just know that I don’t want to feel that hurt again, for someone else.”

“What even is the probability that Magnus ends up being your soulmate? The one person of seven billion and my best friend is my other best friend’s soulmate?” She takes his hands, squeezing them. 

Alec’s eyes narrow, “You wouldn’t introduce us if you didn’t think we were compatible.” 

Her face scrunches up and Alec nods, letting his head drop solemnly. A moment of silence passes between the pair before Alec sucks in a breath, muttering something about regretting this to Clary. 

And then he starts walking again. 

“Alec?” Clary asks softly, and Alec turns to her shrugging. 

She feels her heart break just a little bit more when he sends her the notorious, ‘I’m about to cry but I’m smiling because I repress everything’ smile. 

“Let’s go,” He mumbles dejectedly, “You’re probably right anyways. What are the chances?” 

Clary bites her bottom lip, stopping outside of Magnus’ door before knocking softly against the mahogany. 

The door abruptly swings open, and the next few moments happen in slow motion. Clary’s friend— Magnus— gesticulates for them to move through the door. 

Alec’s book is knocked from his hand by Clary— of whom to this day he will swear did it on purpose, and as he turns to pick it up Magnus is already holding out out before himself, smiling. 

“Whatever our souls are made out of, his and mine are the same,” Magnus quotes, watching with an amused expression as Alec fumbles with the book over the burning of his chest. 

Holy _shit_ , the chances were one in seven billion. 

Alec gapes, frantically searching for words before the burning in his chest threatens to pull him into unconsciousness, but still, no noise comes out.

“Are you alright?” Magnus questions, before adding kindly, “Would you like some water? A seat?” 

“My contact,” Alec blurts, thankful for the words but embarrassment follows in suit. He reaches up, covering his eyes with his free palm, “Um, it’s falling out. Can I use your bathroom.” 

“Yeah. Of course. To the right.” 

Magnus for his part, now looks both concerned and utterly confused, but doesn’t interrogate Alec any further. 

Alec strides into the bathroom, closing the door behind him before immediately sinking to the ground. He takes breaths and lets them out to a count and it’s in that moment that he realises his truly ironic this is. 

His soulmate, single _and_ ready to mingle, is sitting outside— most likely trying to figure out what the hell has just happened. 

And while this should be the happiest day of Alec’s life, an overwhelming and most definitely looming cloud threatens to pour down on him.

Despite the circumstances, his heart, once again, is torn apart. And he’s left hyperventilating on a tile floor, trying to catch his breath

If anyone notices the distinctly puffiness from crying, they must either blame it on the contacts or just decide to kindly ignore it. 

That’s the last time for many years that Magnus will look at him without underlying mirth, and it’s the first of may times that Alec will feel himself he drowned in both love _and_ frustration. 

_But that_ , he thinks, _is a burden he’s always been doomed to carry._


End file.
